psalm 3 ~ to my first love

 July 22, 22

I find myself starving for meat

while ignoring the daily bread and water

my Father offers me


So quick am I to thirst for 

temporary highs

or lovers who will never satisfy 

instead of looking to see

my First Love consistently pursuing me with goodness and mercy 


So eager to escape the flock

getting stuck in the quicksand of self-sabotage 

with wolves to my right and traps to my left

always imagine idols saving me 

but its always my Good Shepherd's hand pulling me out of pits I fall in

or rather dig myself into of 

Depression

Anxiety

Suicidality

Addiction 

Bitterness


He gives me armor to wear but

I tell Him I'm not strong enough for battle 

He tells me it's okay

it's not by my strength  

the battle is His if I just have faith 

He welcomes me back with open arms after I betray Him 

Wonder why I always manage to forget how warm His embrace is

So quick to harden my heart in rebellion 

instead of hunger and thirst for the only One who can fulfill me

Asking for spiritual sight to see His record of faithfulness in my life 

instead of fixating on failures and lack 


I beg for answers as to who I am and why He sent me 

but He tells me I'm not ready

I'm still drinking milk and need to trust the process

I apologize for my default mode being distrust

But He reminds me He knows me intimately 

and understands why I've built those walls

but they were never necessary

only a prison that hindered me from seeing 

Him defending me behind the scenes 

He's willing to wait for me 

to open up and let my guard down

always knocks gently 

He even accounted for my straying

Decided to weave it into a larger story 

where all things work together for my good

The fortress I built did nothing but blind me 

from the victory Christ won for me on calvary 

He sets up a stage for me to dance in front of my enemies

With each tap I trample on all the power of evil principalities 

Not by might but by His Spirit that dwells in me

The devil tries to bully

by saying the Lord isn't for me 

But the Lambs blood silences my enemy 

He can never take away my testimony 

That His love has and will never fail me 





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