what does it mean

what does it mean

that you didn’t reply to my text

yet watch all my insta stories

what does it mean 

that you told me you want serious relationships now

As you’re breaking up with me 

what does it mean

that I opened up to you

just not in the physical way you wanted me to 

what does it mean

that you thanked me for liking you genuinely

was it even a mutual thing 

if you dumped me so quickly 

what does it mean

that I still pray for you

don't know if its as a friend or an enemy

while you're busy blocking out my memory

what does it mean

that your attention had me fiending 

And now I’m forced to face sober reality 

what does it mean

that my future plans with you were proven to be

delusional fantasy 

wasn't ready for the brutal awakening 

that you were done with me

what does it mean 

that I thought I could do forever with you

and you could only hold out for a month maybe two 

what does it mean 

that you had me believe for the first time that I was pretty

but once you caught me

you were less sweet

and I was back to ruminating on insecurities 

what does it mean

that you made me feel like asking for romance

was too demanding 

like I was undeserving

yet I saw you as worthy 

What does it mean 

That I saw you as Gods blessing

And you saw me as some sexually gratifying thing

Until you got sick of the taste of me 

what does it mean 

that instead of being gentle with me 

Knowing it was my first time with physical intimacy

you critiqued me harshly

Said it was like dancing

That there was a rhythm and flow I wasn’t catching 

now I'm haunted at the idea doing that with somebody

cringe every time I see it on the screen

instead of taking accountability

that you didn't know how to teach and lead  

what does it mean

that the memories of you still give me physical pain 

yet I have to pretend like I'm better than okay

what does it mean 

that I've lost track of the number of poems I've written about you

and you're a poet too

just not the type that saw me as a muse

like I saw you


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