keti’s delivery service

August 26, 2024 I can never just greet my grief tell her to stay as long as she needs give her a shoulder to cry on  instead I drag her into a dark room and try to dress her up make her into a pretty presentable thing worthy of mine and other people's time and attention I wipe her tears before they can fall and tell her to put on a brave face that tears are unproductive turn it to poetry or testimony  and move on don't know how to make space for her feel like if I let her tears flow freely  it'll flood the house threaten if she doesn't shut up I'm gonna lock her up  hoping she'll go away  until the cycle starts over and I start to hear her bangs because sadness unseen turns into rage what was once my inner child needing space is now a monster that needs to be tamed 

August 7, 2023 I truly believe  Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life something I'll proclaim till this flesh of mine dies and I go back to home sweet heaven where I'll live on much longer  than this blink of an eye life why I don't fear death bc Jesus conquered it  I seek the kingdom  but not passively instead treating "heaven as it is on earth" as praxis reclaiming territory evil powers and principalities have occupied  for His kingdom to thrive 

March 29, 2023 I'm learning  the best things for me are the hardest to do and the bondage that holds me back is the comfort I keep crawling back to 

March 20, 23 When I look in the mirror I try to resist the urge to cringe bc I've never quite seen God's image just all the people who saw me as unworthy of loving all the rejection hits me like I understand why they attack me  need to resist the torment can't see myself through carnal eyes  when my character is what matters most God's the only one who sees me bc He looks beyond the surface at the heart  understands women like Hagar and me 

this is the last thing I'm gonna write about you you were the first muse I ever gave a poem to I finally figured out my final words for you in one of your songs you talked about how no one prays for you and I just wanted to put out there that I still do... for your healing your happiness your family  and future family too sincerely your forever,  secret intercessor

there's this trick up irony's sleeve that always bites me where the people I don't perform for are the ones that want an encore and the people I try to impress? couldn't care less

 Oct 27, 24 As a kid I loved watching my mom disconnect from reality she would zone in on nothing completely still with her eye occasionally twitching it was the closest I saw her to being at peace I remember wanting to mimic that state thinking it was a natural thing to just pause and escape reality first I would make my eyes blurry soon it became easy to retreat into the worlds of my own making just like my mommy taught me 

tired of playing games to preserve some semblance of control it's draining to calculate every move I just want to be sincere in everything I do Even if that makes me look like a fool When I said I was romantic... I meant I'm willing to risk pain for something beautiful 

 June 6, 24 maybe it's hard to cry over a man cause they could never hurt me like family  sticks and stones may break my bones and heartache might bruise me but that's light work compared to the one who birthed you seeing you as a burden 

August 3, 24 Missing you again Means time to pick up my pen Make you a lesson 

March 30, 24 Feeling so deeply is a curse and a blessing  bc the spiraling makes for great poetry the pain is too heavy  the valley with no end in sight is weary so I get to transmuting  trying to find the lessons the beauty Gods footsteps trailing