July 22, 22 I find myself starving for meat while ignoring the daily bread and water my Father offers me So quick am I to thirst for temporary highs or lovers who will never satisfy instead of looking to see my First Love consistently pursuing me with goodness and mercy So eager to escape the flock getting stuck in the quicksand of self-sabotage with wolves to my right and traps to my left always imagine idols saving me but its always my Good Shepherd's hand pulling me out of pits I fall in or rather dig myself into of Depression Anxiety Suicidality Addiction Bitterness He gives me armor to wear but I tell Him I'm not strong enough for battle He tells me it's okay it's not by my strength the battle is His if I just have faith He welcomes me back with open arms after I betray Him Wonder why I always manage to forget how warm His embrace is So quick to harden my heart in rebellion instead of hunger and thirst f...
September 2024 Mind boggling how easily you discarded me But I guess that's the patriarchy that turns women into tallies How many holes in one you can get Proving to your bros that you can score Winner winner new conquest for dinner Didn't you learn by now attention gets cheap? Doesn't bouncing from girl to girl get empty? Haven't you grown weary from all the meaningless ego stroking? Why can't you see sex with no trust, commitment, and loyalty disregards it as a sacred thing? God doesn't let women's grief go unseen His angels bottle up the tears and throw it at sea Until the pressure builds And eventually there's a great flooding Told God yesterday would be your last chance to resurrect what we had but the tomb is forever sealed You made our grave but I still drop off flowers every day This mourning thing gets tiring when you don't know the expiration date and all your attempts to escape cause further delay Will try to make the anniversary of the ...
August 26, 2024 I can never just greet my grief tell her to stay as long as she needs give her a shoulder to cry on instead I drag her into a dark room and try to dress her up make her into a pretty presentable thing worthy of mine and other people's time and attention I wipe her tears before they can fall and tell her to put on a brave face that tears are unproductive turn it to poetry or testimony and move on don't know how to make space for her feel like if I let her tears flow freely it'll flood the house threaten if she doesn't shut up I'm gonna lock her up hoping she'll go away until the cycle starts over and I start to hear her bangs because sadness unseen turns into rage what was once my inner child needing space is now a monster that needs to be tamed
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