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thought now could be the time but I'm perceptive enough to see another has caught your fancy  or its wrong timing always landing on he loves me not why I'll never shoot my shot  now I once again sit back and watch my affections unraveling too much of a coward to face what I always see as imminent rejection  don't blame you I wouldn't like me too all this wondering what if has made my heart sick don't want to close the chapter on you can't tell if I should move on or make a move feel like I can't trust my desires  they have led me astray too many times people say its the breath but I believe feelings make us alive and no one electrifries me like you do  scared the butterflies won't be back anytime soon you were like sand in my hand couldn't catch you in a time glass because I'm still broken but dreaming about a future with you Makes me think I can learn to love life but Gods teaching me that's idolization need to remember He is my first love a...

 July 22, 22 I find myself starving for meat while ignoring the daily bread and water my Father offers me So quick am I to thirst for  temporary highs or lovers who will never satisfy  instead of looking to see my First Love consistently pursuing me with goodness and mercy  So eager to escape the flock getting stuck in the quicksand of self-sabotage  with wolves to my right and traps to my left always imagine idols saving me  but its always my Good Shepherd's hand pulling me out of pits I fall in or rather dig myself into of  Depression Anxiety Suicidality Addiction  Bitterness He gives me armor to wear but I tell Him I'm not strong enough for battle  He tells me it's okay it's not by my strength   the battle is His if I just have faith  He welcomes me back with open arms after I betray Him  Wonder why I always manage to forget how warm His embrace is So quick to harden my heart in rebellion  instead of hunger and thirst f...

Oct 1, 2022 resentment is a rabbit hole says eat me then soon you become Alice  fall in and get consumed by the bitterness you think they'll change from unforgiveness but instead your own heart hardens and you realize you need mercy and to give grace too just like the good Lord did for you that you are flawed and harm like the rest do He gave me the perspective I needed  to pray for our healing and the separation to have a sound mind He's always helping me to love  despite 

It feels unfair that the traumatized  aka the most love-deprived need to fulfill the prerequisite of healing before they can receive  a class I keep failing  third try was not the charm  the furthest I got? no bases just what couldn't even be called a first date maybe interview where I was fan girl and he was an obliging celebrity  who could schedule in a quickie  ego stroke of pity  that's all I was someone to inflate his head  so he can reach new heights without thinking of me  while I so easily saw him as a missing piece to the grand sche(me) of things I wonder if God let such a wretched feeling like unrequited love exist so we know how He feels

eager to swim through your mind but not sure you saw the depth of mine I don't mind listening but couldn't tell if you liked me or hearing your own answers to my questioning trying to be balanced and see the red flags  instead of being blinded by infatuation like how it stung a bit when you compared me to twice  to the girl I suspect you actually fancy  spent awhile getting over my jealousy  it was like you were inviting me back in to compete but I don't play that game  I am a girl's girl and wouldn't let a man get in the way of that  have to tell myself I have my own lane  can't afford looking to my side unless I'm cheering my sister on or passing the baton don't know if its a bad sign you bring out my envious side trusting God to release me from the shackles of ruminating in regret it's not my lack,  it's your loss He is my strength in weakness  and I don't have to prove anything  just going to wait for the eyes to see ears to hear and...

Nov 16, 2016 I was nothing but a seed he picked me up and put me in his mouth caressed me with his tongue trying to figure out my flavor wanted more so he cracked me open  I surrendered and gave him my inner part my heart he proceeded to crush it  swallow me down  and spit the rest of me out on barren ground  I could've been a tree but now all that remains of me  is a broken and used outer shell

 Dec 3, 2020 "How can you be an artist and not reflect the times?" -Nina Simone To hold the memory of this moment feels too heavy  to blow the thoughts away in a cloud that  promises to numb the pain is  tempting because to plug back in means to be a complicit cog in the capitalist machine that  lynches Black bodies like clockwork and praises whiteness as subconscious religion  we all want no part but most stay stuck in this hamster wheel of contradiction no time to be still and reflect just running for our lives taught to live slice by slice   that the rich dangle as false generosity called charity  too alienated to organize in community  too burned out to resist too indoctrinated to raise their fist  too traumatized to love without fear  Our solidarity not our productivity makes us human organizing so we aren't alienated atoms but  one  living  breathing  body  that can flow back to our source in unity...

thinking of ways to impress you but my matured mind begs not to waste time entertaining futile fantasies for dumb rhymes I didn't get the turn on of tattoos until I saw them on you wanted a closer look I couldn't be afforded over zoom The way you'd say my name became my new preferred way got me thinking of sending you this poem topped with a bouquet  tell me I remind you of a poem not any piece particularly  just something I embody  tell me your testimonies of revolution  except their would be no romanticization  just the wrenching reality that would threaten to fracture me further   but maybe your rubble could make art of my ruins  dreaming of you driving me through our motherland  helping me see what I could've been in another reality  decolonize my tongue wipe away my white washed parts notice my divine embroidery  overlooked and unseen maybe you'd find glory in searching out the hidden meaning  My heart always does this  do...

why is finding commitment the equivalent of cracking morse code never been good at math got me wishing I had worn my more revealing top at out meetup but I am not eye candy meant to be unwrapped, devoured, and disposed of  I am a catch but not prey  I am home but not property  I am a prize but not a trophy  I am a rose that stops you in your tracks  because I was once a seed in your dreams and then there I was in full bloom right before you No I don't slut shame but maybe you're a whore who is not into me because you prefer seduction and instant satisfaction don't have the curiosity to uncover the infitinite layers of intimacy and lovemaking  not just slapping skin but souls in divine recognition No I'm not a prude I just have principles forever loyal to my First Love  so no matter how much I want to moan your name or be that cigarette between your teeth  I know if you really liked me  you'd be willing to wait  and take pleasure in undre...

never felt rooted anywhere just seeds scattered by the wind  waiting to see where I sprout  separated from parts of myself maybe when I bloom  someone will find all my flowers  and arrange me back together  into a beautiful bouquet  I hope its from a lover  some day 

 It's sad because you made me want to be a sex toy just to be held by you knew I hadn't caught your heart so I wanted to settle for getting your dick hard sometimes I think  my dreams of romance will never come true because I want it too bad to the point that I've made an idol out of such a relationship why I can't have it I'm burning the bridge to the last person I imagined could be my soul mate the lesson after it all? still have more healing to do learning the growing and it's pains never end why I need to abandon perfection as the goal for progress instead have to remind myself I'm worthy of love  even with flaws I've internalized the voice of the oppressor that tells me to prove I'm worthy always been the harsh critic to my creativity saying its not quite anybody's tempo  doesn't have rhythm  lacks form or precision another poem about him...please get over it But I interrupt the lies to breathe in the truth  it was never a poems perfecti...